S is for Surprise

They say home is where the heart is, but after a recent trip home I say home is where I can dress like a homeless person and still feel good about myself. I realized this on my first morning back when I came to breakfast looking like Christmas meets 1996 and had a souvenir t-shirt baby. My vanity prevents me from publishing a picture of me in said outfit, but trust me it was fantastic. In that shabby no chic kind of way. So instead I'll just show you a picture of what a 5 month old baby looks like:

It was so wonderful to be back. Hazel and I decided to surprise my mom for Mothers Day, which was a lot of fun and I'm quite impressed with myself that we pulled it off. I couldn't have done it without my brothers, who helped with the trickery. My Dad pulled a little surprise on me by showing up at the airport to greet us, which was super nice.

The trip was a little bit of a last minute decision as Adam was going to Vegas for work and I thought about being here alone and then had the brilliant idea to hitch a ride, so to speak, to the West Coast. And by hitch a ride, I mean purchase a pricey international fare like everyone else that lives abroad and wants to go home. It was totally worth it.

Adam and I flew together to San Francisco, but I did the domestic legs and the return with Hazel on my own. I know, I know, flying internationally with a baby is on everyone's bucket list.

I gotta give it up for Air New Zealand again though. They were awesome. We reserved a bassinet seat, which meant that our seats were in the bulkhead and right after takeoff the flight attendants installed Hazel's bassinet.

It was great, mostly because she actually got to sleep which meant we got to sleep too. Convenient, as sleep has moved to the top of my favorite things to do list. Ok, who am I kidding sleep has always been one of my favorite things to do. The supply and demand ratio is just not in my favor these days so, it's at the extra top of the list.

Going from Air New Zealand to domestic in the US, though, is like going from first class to first arse. I fortunately had some nice people next to me and some helpful crew members. An example of helpful in this case would be giving me a plastic bag to put Hazel's clothes and my own in after Hazel had a massive poo explosion on me." Infant in arms" for 5 hours. Let's get this party started. Oh yeah, she just did.

It really was great to be back. I got to see so many people I love from old friends to extended family members. I even got to introduce Hazel to her 102 year-old great grandmother on Adam's side. Everyone was ecstatic to meet and see the new baby, especially my niece and nephew.

I stopped in SF briefly to catch up with friends. Man I miss those peeps. Apparently I was having too much fun to remember to take any pictures but imagine me surrounded by ladies I love and very happy. Being away from friends and family is one of the hardest things about living in a different country. Especially now that we have this little one.

Going back to the States is a reminder in some ways of what we are missing and in other ways what we aren't. I was shocked at how over stimulating I found the airports and mall to be. I just kept thinking why are there so many shops and people everywhere and look at all the racks of clothing, this is surreal! That is the beauty of living in a different country, it gives you a new perspective. How sad if I was unchanged by this expat experience.

Just the other day I was watching The Voice Australia and was delighted to learn that people on this side of the world apparently pronounce the word albino (you know the people that look like they need to get a tan but can't) as al-bean-o. As Americans we pronounce it al- buy-no. So the past few days I've gone around the house singing "you say albino, I say albeano....tomato, tomahto."

Another thing that makes me happy we live in NZ is that stuff like this happens.  A note on the door of our local Fish N Chips shop -

Anyway, point is I did love being home, but I also loved coming back here to New Zealand. Even if it meant returning to winter.

You might remember that Kiwis aren't too big on central air and heating so it's back to long johns and nights by the fire. How cold does it get you might wonder. That I can't tell you, you'll have to check your farmers almanac for those kind of details, but I'll tell you it's cold enough for me to lay awake the other night wondering if they make a giant flannel onesize for adults. Seriously this kept me up for a solid ten minutes . Hey don't blame me for trying to stay warm and keep the flame in my post baby marriage alive.

Hazel is doing well and while the trip home was great the transition back has been rough. Holy guacamole that baby had some jet lag. That plus teething at the same time. I'm still waiting for a bartender to come up with a drink especially for such an occasion. The show must go on though. And thank goodness the show recently had a 3 day weekend. It was the Queen's Birthday and we celebrated by ferrying over to Waiheke Island for the day. Waiheke is beyond picturesque and packed with tons of vineyards, rolling hills, and beautiful beaches.

We met up with our good friends, Andrew and Adrienne, for a little last hurrah. Unfortunately for us they are moving back to Canada. We had lunch at Poderi Crisci, a delightful winery and restaurant that temporarily makes you feel like you are in Italy, instead of the beautiful wine island in the middle of New Zealand that you are actually on. We did the "Italian Long Lunch" which as the name implies was long, but it was also incredibly delicious and filled with many courses and yummy wine. If you are a local it is a must do. Speaking of all this delicious food, Hazel recently had her first taste of the good life. Mmm rice cereal.

This new role of mother is still something I'm figuring out. It's kind of a weird yet wonderful club to be apart of. Thankfully, the actual mothering part comes very natural to me. It's funny, though, if you had told me a few years back I would be living in New Zealand and a stay at home mom making her own baby food I probably would have laughed. Life is funny that way.

Life is good in that way too.

 

Just a place I enjoyed my coffee the other morning. How did I ever get so lucky to live in this paradise?!



Up All Night

Well it's really hard to get any writing done with this little live doll around that I'm taking care of. But how can I resist that face? I'd trade in my Cabbage Patch any day for her, although Hazel would probably go for more on the black market.

Ahh  motherhood, our little babe is already almost 4 months old. Everyone says it goes by so fast and it really does. We have had so many visitors since she was born but everyone wants to meet the new grandbaby and I can't blame 'em. Even my friend Stephanie came all the way from the States to see us and do some New Zealandy type things like fly fish and mountain bike. While she was here we took Hazel on her first plane ride and went down to Queenstown over Easter Weekend. We had been there before but the view never gets old.

Hazel enjoyed her new surroundings too:

Oh and by the way, in New Zealand you get the Friday before and the Monday after Easter off. Number of National Holidays (12) still sits way on top of my reasons why NZ is a great place to live list. And the fact that things like this happen.....

Yes that is a Confederate flag flying at Adam's work lunch. How is possible? I'll tell you. So once a month different departments host a lunch with a different theme and this particular week's theme was Western/American BBQ. According to the department host, the party store was out of American flags but did have one of these. What?!

This is hilarious and wrong on so many levels. I keep picturing the New Zealand sales clerk ordering the Confederate flag, " yes I'm going to need two more of SKU #kkk..." You can only imagine Adam's surprise when he walked into the conference room to grab a quick bite. We really couldn't stop laughing at this one, mostly because we knew the majority of Kiwis wouldn't understand the symbolism or controversy around it making the whole thing that much more hilarious and ridiculous. Cue Hank Williams Jr. And no I don't know if that is the person's real hair or they are wearing a mullet wig.

But I digress, back to Hazel's maiden voyage. We rented a fabulous bach in Arrowtown, a quaint village 20 mins outside of Queenstown. Steph and I have been friends since 6th grade. Now that's some history or should I say herstory.

 It was minutes away from Lake Hayes, a real stunner if I do say so myself.

There is a great loop all the way around it that you can do:

Our place was also close to Lake Wanaka, another real looker as far as lakes go. I was loving that it was right next to Central Otago wine region too, which makes some of our favorite Pinots. We had lunch at Amisfield Vineyard and Adam was in charge of feeding Hazel that afternoon so I could imbibe pre-baby style.

Sometimes it's nice to just to enjoy a drink or three and not worry about how it affects your bloodstream and relax knowing you're not going to have to whip your boobs out in public. It really was a great trip. Hazel was a dream on the plane and while travelling with a baby is a little more work it is definitely doable. Although I did miss flipping through magazines instead of just reading the safety card. I will give a shout out to Air New Zealand who produces the only safety videos I've ever seen that are actually fun and entertaining to watch. I think it reflects Kiwi culture, they never take themselves too seriously.

It felt good to know we could still get away and that our life, even though totally different with a baby, could still go on in some ways as it did before. Being a mamma is tiring though. The constant out pour of energy caring for another being, whew. Calgon take me away. Hazel bright eyed and not affected by my tiredness:

Speaking of, when someone says they are tired don't respond with, " oh yes, you look tired." Everyone knows that's code for crap. I don't need you to confirm what I just saw ten minutes ago when I looked in the mirror before I left the house. Not that that has ever happened to me, that's just my friendly advice.

That and stop wearing maternity clothes after you have the baby. Even after I could fit into my old clothes, I had to ween myself off a few items that were just so comfy that I thought I could get away with looking "easy and comfortable." I learned the tough way when I went to the spa sporting a dress I wore throughout my pregnancy and the therapist asked "so did you have the baby? " HA. Yes I did and here she is:

A lot of this baby stuff is trial by fire. What seems like a good idea initially may not always turn out to be. Like when I thought it would be fun to take Hazel to a yoga class at 6 weeks old . Hey I thought I love yoga and I love my baby why not combine the two. Yeah, not so much. Hazel slept the entire time and as much as I want to hear your baby cry while I'm in downward dog....it's not for me. I told Adam about it and he said, "Oh I thought that sounded awful when you mentioned you were going to do it." Not that I would have listened. Now I do yoga the old fashion way - alone.

What is fun though is Wriggle and Rhyme at the local library:

I continue to be impressed with the resources New Zealand has for new parents. Most impressive is Plunket, which is "New Zealand's largest provider of support services for the development, health, and well being of children under 5." Thank me if this is ever a Jeopardy question or perhaps you're more of a Cash Cab kind of guy or gal. At any rate Plunket is amazing. You can do all sorts of stuff through them - hire a car seat for crazy cheap, get help with your baby's feeding or sleeping at their Family Centre, freaking take your own nap at their Family Centre (for real they have beds), they also have Plunket nurses that are assigned to you that check in with you regularly, and they even offer coffee groups.

A coffee group here basically just means a mothers group. I joined one through Plunket and the one thing almost all of us had in common was that none of us were from NZ or had our family here. The first time I went it was like a little UN meeting - Liberia, Argentina, Scotland, India, and Australia were all represented. It's an amazing resource to have and it's all free. I'm also in another coffee group, which is composed of women from my antenatal class. So while I miss my friends and family like crazy, I do have lots of nice first time moms to hang with.

 

 

And share stories with. Such as when Hazel and I went into to see Adam at work and she managed to do a poo waterfall out of her pants and onto the office carpet. Well I guess I'm that person now that talks about my kid's poop. I have arrived.

Welcome to the World: Hazel Kathleen Wolf

Our not so little bundle of joy finally arrived on Jan 5th, 2013 at 5:12 am weighing 8lbs, 14oz and 19.29 inches long. She was fifteen days late, but right on schedule I'm sure if you ask her. Unfortunately she hasn't learned to talk yet and chooses to communicate through leaking water from her eyes while at the same time projecting a loud noise from her mouth. Apparently my womb is a pretty sweet place to hangout, but thank goodness she finally decided to join us on the outside. We love her oh so much!

I'll save all the details of my labor and delivery for my tell all book, but the highlights include being in a shared assessment room for two days prior to giving birth and at one point having the woman next to me go into actual labor. Uh hello can't you see that I'm trying to watch an entire season of Revenge on my computer while I wait to have my own baby? She never got the memo but my time finally came and it all ended successfully. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how I managed to push an almost 9lb baby out of me epidural free but it was something I wanted to do for a variety of reasons and well, now I know. Man and I thought giving up bread for that one month back in 2009 was hard.

One of the pluses of Hazel being so late is that my Mom got to be here for the birth. It was wonderful to have her in NZ for two weeks.

Although I've never had a baby anywhere else, I can say that New Zealand is an amazing place to bring a new life into the world. Just a couple hours after having Hazel, I was out of the hospital and on my way to the Wakworth Birthing Centre. In the words of Borat, "Wow wow wee waa." This place was incredible. I wanted to minimize my time in the hospital for reasons like - they smell weird, have crappy sheets, and people die there. So a Birthing Centre in the country seemed like a much better option as a place to recover. And boy was it ever.

Imagine a little bed and breakfast in a beautiful setting that was tailored for new mums and babies. I was aptly assigned the Kiwi room. This place had round the clock midwives, provided everything you need from nappies to wipes, all of your meals, and even baby clothes and blankets that they washed for you. I spent 4 nights there and got so much support and help that was priceless. They don't want to send you home until your feel comfortable when it comes to feeding and all the other baby basics. I can only imagine how much more confident and prepared new parents would feel if this kind of support was offered in every country. Oh and did I mention it was all free?!

But alas we couldn't stay forever so home we are. Despite making noises that sound like a baby Gremlin being hatched, she is pretty cute and looks good in a variety of colors so we've decided to keep her. Midwives here make home visits for 6 weeks after your baby is born. That's been wonderful and at times humorous, like when it was time to weigh Hazel and my midwife says, "I do things kinda old school," then this happens:

Weighed in a bag. Absolutely brilliant.

What can I say about being a new mother? It is like new love except you skip the stage where the other person doesn't want to pass gas in front of you. I find Hazel to be mesmerizing, magical, and the whole thing miraculous. However, the day to day can be monotonous and make you understand why sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique. The whole making babies cute was a brilliant idea because somehow it makes the sleepless nights and high pitched screams seem laughable. I mean if babies were ugly, forget it. Thankfully that's not the world we live in.

Parenthood is a funny thing. No more not washing a shirt because it passes my stringent BO test. I can be sure it will be a one time only wear, as I can guarantee I will have a stain of some sort on me by the end of the day. And I'm pretty sure my cool factor dropped dramatically as soon as she was born, evidenced by a comment I recently made. We were watching the X games and they flashed to the crowd. Everyone were jammed together, listening to the DJ spinning, and looked to be be having a great time. All I could say was, "I hope there's not a natural disaster or an emergency because there would be a stampede if there was, mmm mmm not safe at all."

Adam just looked at me like who are you. I swear a month ago I would have seen the same scene and said that looks fun and think nothing of it. Everything now is a potential danger, a potential inappropriate clothing choice, a potential street leading my baby girl to tattoo city and tour buses. I've not even a worrier by nature but the shifts my brain made almost instantly upon becoming a mother are incredible.

It's an exciting journey we've started and I really do feel so blessed that we have a beautiful, healthy baby girl to share our lives with. The past month has been some of the longest days and fastest weeks of my life. Here's a few more shots of Hazel during her first six weeks of life, including a great visit with my Dad who also came from the US to visit:

 

 

As I start this new chapter I'm reminded of Tina Fey's, A Mother's Prayer for Her Child:

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a B*tch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Sh*t. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

Source: Bossypants

365 Days in New Zealand: A Retrospective

 To commemorate my one year anniversary in Auckland, I have created a mock interview as my own Year in Review. PJ, Pretend Journalist, will be interviewing me for the occasion. Any resemblance to an actual interview, with persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

PJ: Thanks for meeting me here today. First off, you look fabulous who are you wearing?

KW: Sure my pleasure.  It's funny how when you don't work your schedule opens right up. As for my look, I'm wearing Champion. It's Adam's old baseball t-shirt, size XL, circa 1996. I find it really compliments my body right now, and by compliments I mean doesn't touch any part of me and gives me the shapeless, casual look that I'm going for these days.

PJ: What currently inspires you?

KW: Women who can walk without waddling, anyone that's given birth and lived to tell about it, Michael Jackson. I mean have you see Spike Lee's new documentary Bad 25?! Creative. Genius.

PJ: Do you remember where you were when you found out Michael had died?

KW: Of course I do. I was at TJ Maxx in Knoxville with my mom. I had just left San Francisco and was spending some time at home before moving to Atlanta to be with my now husband, Adam.

PJ: Adam, isn't he the reason you ended up moving to a country that has more sheep then people?

KW: Yes, yes he is. A move to New Zealand wasn't something we were looking for but he got recruited by a retailer here and well it's not every day an opportunity like that presents itself to you. Those close to us know what a tough decision it was for us to make, but I can honestly say we haven't regretted it once since taking the plunge.

PJ: What are some of your favorite things about living in New Zealand?

KW: The first thing that comes to mind is the physical beauty and being so close to the water. We were lucky enough to find a place where we can see the ocean from our house and be at the beach in a matter of minutes. It's not just where we live though, there is stunning scenery everywhere you turn. And the great things is, it truly is an underpopulated country so you go to these awesome places and you can actually enjoy them because they aren't crowded with people.

I also love the attitude of Kiwis. It really is a work to live vs. a live to work mentality. From  the automatic 4 weeks of vacation plus 11 National holidays to the emphasis on family, Kiwis have this part of life right. It's extremely refreshing coming from the US. There is also a laid back attitude that permeates the culture. Imagine a place where kids don't where shoes to school and you can't sue someone for causing you injury, well that's New Zealand.

Also, the travel opportunities we have being on this side of the world are amazing. It's extremely easy to travel domestically here plus there are so many places I consider exotic that are New Zealand's closest neighbors.

PJ: What has been most surprising about life in NZ?

KW: The number of stray cats, how many people have personalized license plates,

the lack of central heating, how loud the birds are, how amazing the coffee is, how people don't have screens on windows or doors, how expensive some things are, how antiquated things feel at times from the fashion to business practices, the lack of censorship on tv and radio, how tough Kiwis are weather wise. I'll be in jeans and a sweater and there will be people swimming in the ocean and jogging in a tank top. It happens all the time. Not to mention the weather in general, you truly get 4 seasons in one day. I have never seen anything like it. And the number of rainbows we've seen since moving here is insane - even Double Rainbows!! Also, I'm use to it now but the no shoes thing really blew me away at first.

PJ: How has your day to day life changed since moving?

KW: I drive on the opposite side of the road. My oven is in Celsius, my food labels are in kilojoules. I dry my clothes on a line now.

I don't make coffee at home anymore, I always go the cafe for my trim flat white. I eat a lot more muffins. My Skype rings a lot more than my actual phone. I go to the video store to rent movies. I watch less tv and eat out less.

PJ: What's been hardest about your move?

KW: Not working has definitely been difficult for me at times. There have been days where I thought my brain might atrophy or my heart might break because I was so far removed from the work I love. I left my job in Atlanta prematurely and the clients I was seeing. Doing therapy with people is amazing and creates a special relationship unlike any other. I have really had to look at the big picture and remind myself that just because I'm not practicing now doesn't mean I don't have the rest of my life to do what I love, professionally speaking.

The reality is my current life allows allows me to do a lot of what I love, just not in the professional realm. More in the read 25 books in one year kind of stuff, cook elaborate meals from scratch, take long walks on the beach with my dog, yoga in the middle of the day, and be ready and available to travel at a moment's notice. I don't expect anyone to feel too sorry for me.

However the other really hard part is being away from family and friends. It's hard to miss our niece and nephews growing up and just seeing people that we love on a regular basis. I have met so many nice people here and have felt so incredibly welcomed which has really helped. However at this stage in life it's hard to make and maintain new friendships. I think having a child here will open up a whole new group to us which I'm looking forward to. I appreciate the friends back home that have really made an effort to keep in touch despite the distance. Skype has been a real life saver.

PJ: So sounds like your social life isn't going to make it onto page 6 anytime soon. You must spend a lot of time with Adam, do you still like each other?

KW: Yes thank goodness, most days we still do. Living on the other side of the world has its advantages too. It's actually been nice to start a marriage this way. Because we are so far away we don't have the expectations and obligations of family in the same way you would if you were in the same place. Being just the two of us we really get to do things our way and depend strictly on each other, it can build you or break you and fortunately for us it's been strengthening.

PJ: Whoah I didn't know this interview was going to be so Oprah magazine-ish. Do you have any naked pictures of yourself to lighten things up?

KW: No, I burned all those so that my unborn daughter can never find them and use them in a future fight. So I kept only the pictures of me at church, in organized sports, and in my debutante dress.

PJ: You are going to be a great mother if I do say so myself. So when you think back on the past year what are some of the highlights?

KW: Taking an improv class, volunteering with Refugee Services, starting a blog, finding the best chocolate cake recipe, getting over my fear of bread making, finding a church I get something out of, exploring new places with Adam, and getting my very own bun in the oven. Growing another human is pretty cool stuff.

On the travel front definitely Fiji, Melbourne, Queenstown and the Milford Track on the South Island. And of course going home to the US to visit. As far as more local stuff -  Pohutakawa Coast, Puheke Hill, the Tutukaka Coast and Bay of Islands, Cape Reigna, hiking along the Mangawhai Cliffs and in the Waitakare Ranges, the view from top of Mt. Manganoui, and wine tasting in Hawkes Bay.

 

 

 

 

PJ: I bet you say some pretty wacky things now that you've lived here for a year. What are some things you find yourself saying that you didn't say before?

KW:  Oh you know stuff like sweet as, she'll be right, good on ya, full on. Pretty soon it's going to be all about bubs, nappies, and prams. It's a funny mix of of very British words plus all the kiwi-isms unique to New Zealand. You mix that with my Southern roots, my time in California, including 3 years at a public high school in Oakland and you get well let's just say that pretty much makes me quadrilingual. Boo-yah.

PJ: And how about food - things you miss or really love that NZ has to offer?

KW: Oh my gosh there are so many food things I miss. I literally have to get family back home to send me half of my baking supplies - semi-sweet chocolate chips, toffee pieces, canned pumpkin, graham crackers. And then in general I really miss good pizza, authentic mexican, bbq, and milkshakes. A milkshake here is literally like a glass of milk - no thank you. I have had Dairy Queen fantasies on more than one occasion. What New Zealand does really well is seafood and ethnic food - lots of great Indian, Thai, Malaysian. In general I find food here to be less processed and more seasonally based, both of which I think are great norms to have. There is also a wonderful cafe culture here so great coffee and fresh, delicious pastries are not hard to find.

PJ: Good stuff. Anything else you want to add about life in New Zealand or your experience here the past year?

KW: It's been quite the ride and so much to look forward to in the year ahead. For those of you that I actually know and would want to stay in our home, please come visit us in 2013!